Restless

I'm restless and can't sleep. It's a new year and doesn't seem like it's off to a great start. I keep telling myself just relax trust God but worry is the devil on my back. I need to cry I just need to cry my heart out until there are no more tears. Lord knows I want to forgive and even forget past hurts that hold be bondage. I just want to be free. Free to live, free to laugh, free of pain, hurt and anger... Every night I'm praying God take it away, I don't want it anymore but I'm still hanging on. I can't keep lying to myself because reality is, I should have let go so long ago but I hold on with my life as if it's the only thing I have to hold on to. But it's not. God brought me out of this before and I know he'll do it again. I don't want to wake up with tear stained eyes because I've cried in my sleep. The little that I get. We're only on Day 6. Well 7. Either way I can do this I can take back the control of my life and LIVE!!!!

Room with A VIEW

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Happy Thursday Everyone.... Wow this week went by fast..... Glad its over I plan on doing nothing this weekend but being a bomb! Yup Some days we need it!

This room was amazing.... That VIEW!!!Omini Hotel Dallas

So i've notice that when I haven't given God his time, I get extremely stressed, I don't sleep and i'm just not myself... Spending time with God is so important... At one point I was doing really good but I've been slacking and it shows! So tonight while showering I put on my Pandora on a worship station and I song my heart out to God. I prayed, I cried and I enjoy some serious me time with my father above... I feel so refreshed and happy already... I feel like I see things clear now... Sometimes we focus on EVERYTHING else but whats important our view is EVERYWHERE else but where it should be. God is the most important person in my life and I hate being neglected by someone I love so I can only imagine how he feels when i'm not focusing on him and not giving him his time.. Guys I feel so renewed and Happy and fresh... God reminded me tonight how much peace and joy he gives and how he instantly provides me with comfort... Its truly amazing... Don't get me wrong Loves I fall short everyday but thats the best part of who God is he forgives and never throws it in your face.... He wipes the slate clean as if it never happened and for that I love him... My view is clear tonight and it feels great... Besos...

Ready for Love

Last year in December I wrote a letter to God and placed it in my bible. I prayed and asked for 3 major things...  One of those things was Love real LOVE... Not just for me to have love but for me to learn how to give my love unselfishly to someone but not just anyone but to someone who was deserving of the love I have to offer... Lately it really seems that it's close but oh so far away... I know what I need may not necessarily be what I think I want. I know there is not one perfect person but I do know there is a perfect person just for me.  Although I want to cry, plead and beg God to rush the process and wake my Adam, I hear  him say be patient, it's on its way, I've saved the best for last. As a woman its so hard to be patient when it comes to love. Especially someone like me... I'm def a lover... I've come to realize I'm not that single girl. While I've enjoyed my single moments I am so ready for love. I'm a hopeless romantic, I want to grow old and gray with one love... A love I can call my own, a love that is selfless, a  love that is 100% mine. A love that is so perfect and right that I know without a shadow of a doubt it was God sent. But God's timing is not our timing and I know he is still preparing me. Maturing me, grooming me to be a helpmate to my future husband, teaching me patience, healing me from my past and my hurts. Grooming me to be a Godly woman and pleasing in his eyes. Teaching me how to love and do it whole heartily. For every heart break I have ever experience in my life time, I want to say Thank you Jesus, for every person, man or woman that has every hurt me or broken my heart, I say Thank you! I can say thank you because without those hurts without those experiences, I would never know what it feels like to love, be loved, hurt and to be hurt. Life is so full of lessons and I am so thankful for the lesson of love... I am a work in progress but I know when God finishes with me and I become the woman he has destiny me to be then I will be READY FOR LOVE.....

Gifted Friends - Poetry...Through my Life's Window: He Heals me

 So one of my VERY good friends is finally sharing with the world her God given talent of writing. I'm very proud of you TAY!!! I Love you honey and remember God knows the desires of our hearts... Lady's and Gents help welcome my friend and sister by checking out Tay's Poetry..  Poetry...Through my Life's Window: He Heals me: In life we all go through something. Whether it be a mild storm or a hurricane. We all have   had that   moment in time where we felt as if...

Besos

Waiting on my Adam

I say I'm waiting on my Adam, but I am not still. I say I'm waiting on my Adam but I still chase those soul ties. I say i'm waiting on my Adam but yet and still i'm constantly pushing the subject commitment and marriage. I say i'm waiting on my Adam and while my friends continue to walk down the aisle and begin new chapters in their life's i'm asking God why not me? I say i'm waiting on my Adam but yet and still in a moment of weakness and loneliness I run to that familiar comfortable place that soul tie that stirs a Jones in bones and makes me feel like nothing else really matters at all, BUT I say i'm waiting on my Adam. I say I trust you God and I know my Adam is just for me, I know that he sleeps and at the right time he'll awake fully prepared to meet me but yet and still i'm constantly going on dates claiming i'm looking for the right one. I say i'm waiting on my Adam and that no one else matters, but yet I still yearn for our tomorrow to be today our memories to never fade away. I say i'm waiting on my Adam but this soul tie I have to him is so strong, its an unbreakable hold (so I think) I've penned you as my soul mate but yet and still I say i'm waiting on my Adam. I say i'm waiting on my Adam but can't seem to cut him a lose, he brings me no peace, I constantly cry and wonder why, why could someone treat me so bad, but love me so good (so I think). I say i'm waiting on my Adam but I still think about bearing his kids, caring his last name and spending the rest of my life with him. But I say i'm waiting on my Adam and i'm constantly telling God I trust you, God I know you have created and orchestrated a perfect plan for me, but I still cry out to you at night about him and constantly ask you to remove him from my life but then rephrase and ask you to make him the man I want him to be BUT I say i'm waiting on my Adam, but I often fine myself in tears at night because i'm constantly thinking about him holding someone else, are making love to her, BUT I say i'm waiting on my Adam I say i'm waiting on my Adam and I know he's out there but all the while i'm praying to God that he is the one my soul mate he has to be he knows me better then anyone else ( so I think), he makes me smile, he makes me laugh he constantly reminds me why I love him so much, BUT he makes me cry, has never wiped a tear from my eye, can go his entire day without so much as a thought my way, expects me to give him the world, submit to his will endure all the hurt he brings my way, and constantly tells me i'm his and i'm never going anywhere, BUT I say i'm waiting on my Adam but yet and still I allow a soul tie to have so much control over my mind, heart and soul. But each time I say i'm waiting on my Adam but continue to give control to those soul ties, what i'm really saying is God I don't trust you, my Adam doesn't exist i'm in control of my own destiny, that plan you created isn't going according to the plan I created so let me help you along. Are you really waiting on your Adam, do you really trust that God has the perfect man, just for you? Are you really able to give God ALL of the control and walk away saying God I trust you! I believe that in that perfect time you'll awake my Adam and he'll be just for me. But we have to give God the control, because while My Adam sleeps God is preparing me to be the women he has intended to be. So I patiently wait as my Adam sleeps. God I trust you...

Besos...

The Fear of Letting Go

It's been awhile VERY LONG WHILE, Lol since my last post. But tonight i've been inspired... I think my biggest issue is Forgiving and letting go. In fact I know that if I were to forgive and let go, I'd be a much happier ME. I hold on to my past hurts as a protective shield. I figure that by holding on i'm protecting myself from new hurts. Reality is holding on only harms you more. I think about my past and those individuals who have hurt me, and how much control I give them by not letting go. So on this day I'm letting go of my fears, breaking up with my doubts and trusting God. I believe that he will remove all hurt and pain from me if I just trust him... I always like to say i'm a work in progress, this wont happen over night. But like I said in past post THIS IS MY SEASON and I know God will free me of all hurt and pain and make me whole. God I trust you... Besos :)

Waiting isn't so Bad

My Motto for 2012... I'm waiting on God in ALL I do. No matter how hard the situation may seem or how bad I want to act own my own will, I know waiting on God is so worth it. I will Trust and have Faith that if I stay constant to his will he will bless me beyond measure.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

No matter how hard it may get or how bad it may seem TRUST, have FAITH, and BELIEVE, that God will make it better. A little faith goes a long way. *besos*

Glitter and Sparkle always makes me Happy

Hey Loves, Happy Sunday... Hope you all had a great, blessed weekend... Just wanted to share my cute nail polish with everyone. I can be such a girly, girl especially when it comes to my nails. Since it's the holidays and that's the best time to rock all things glitter and sparkle I decided to be festive with my nails. And in typical Lindsey Fashion I went against the normal holiday colors and went with one of my favorite colors Purple... Hope you like... *besos*

No Resolution Just a BETTER Me!

Sorry it's been awhile since I wrote but between school ending and work oh and lets not forget getting ready for Christmas I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But no matter how hectic life has been these days I'm THANKFUL, Gods been truly blessing me and I'm really proud of my growth.

So the year is ending and in about 2 weeks we'll look up and it will be 2012. I'm not making any resolutions just because I for one don't stick with them. However I will say I'm nearing 30, and that equals an entire new chapter in my life. So there are a few things I'd like to change well lets just say work on to help me become the Best I can be. I actually started what I call my transformation this past July after a breakup (we'll get into that on another post) but I can see the growth since that life changing event, Yes I said life changing (trust me on this) My relationship with God has become so much better, I'm learning to Trust God in ALL I do because he has a plan and purpose for All of US. I've also started making a point to focus on me and love me more. I think alot of the events that have taken place in my life in the past 5 months was God saying "Lindsey enough is enough".

So ending this year and going into 2012 I'm continuing on my journey of growth, loving me more and being Happy... So I encourage everyone to join me in not making New Years Resolutions but becoming a better YOU... *Besos*

Average Beauty

I'm an cost accountant for a major Oil and Gas company, I'm currently working on a project where I'm located with a few more people on my team at an engineering firm . I'm pretty much surrounded by men, and the few woman that do work on my floor are rather older than me however very opinionated. Recently while having lunch with a few of the ladies we started talking about the typical girly stuff, clothes, shoes, hair and beauty. One of the ladies says Lindsey you're cute, you're not beautiful but you're what we called back in my day an "Average Beauty"... Wait, STOP, WTH is an average beauty?!?! Of course the look on my face was priceless because that was a first. She goes on to tell me what HER definition of an "Average Beauty" is!

Ok so "Average Beauty" (her definition) is someone that is not supermodel gorgeous, not ugly, a cross between, semi natural beauty, and a plain Jane... LMAO Wait she couldn't be serious right? Um Wrong this woman was really serious. She goes on to say that an "Average Beauty" is your girl next door. She'll never be a socialite, never become famous, is admired by most men, but could never marry anyone with elite status, such as an Athlete, Rapper, Singer, Model etc. Basically anyone in the public eye. (Sweet Baby Jesus) this woman has lost her mind. So she goes on to tell me I'm not at the point where I've fully came into my womanhood and usually woman don't come into it until there 40's. She goes on to critique me and tell me things I should do to enhance my "Average Beauty" ie. never leave home without a full face of makeup, always wear accessories, no ponytails, and never wear sneakers. Oh and I should lose 20lbs because of my height and frame and my butt and breast are big. This Heffa is IGNORANT!!! Yes, I said it. Only someone who is insecure, and ignorant would come up with something so ridiculous.

Ok now I've had time to wrap my mind around this conversation and this is what I've come up with. There is no "Average Beauty" Personally I feel everyone is beautiful in their own right. I believe a person's attitude and behavior is what makes them unattractive. Secondly I LOVE me some ME!I believe and know that I am beautiful, i carry myself with high regards because if I don't love and respect me I can't expect anyone else to. There is in NO way anything "Average" about me. I'm a girly, girly in all sense of the saying but I also know that every occasion doesn't require my beloved 5in heels. Just as I love heels,I love my sneakers and baseball caps. Makeup for me is like an accessory, it's not a necessity, I don't put it on everyday, I love my natural beauty. I've been blessed with great genes. I love my curves. I think society has placed unrealistic expectations on what a woman should look like and what beauty is. I'm 5'6 1/2 and I love my size. I know I'm super sexy as I like to say. Yeah I could stand to tone up but nothing is perfect there's always room for improvement.

As far as who I'll marry, only God knows. It could be anyone no matter what their social status is my concern is that he loves me unconditionally, respects me and treats and adores me, makes me feel safe and we can grow old together. People are so stuck on looks when they should be focused on that person as a person. I've seen some gorgeous women have the ugliest attitudes and personalities and they just became ugly to me all over. I also believe people live in unrealistic worlds when it comes to beauty, at the end of the day everyone we see on t.v etc has a flaw. When the makeup comes off, the extensions are taken out, no glam squad in sight we're all left with the same blank canvas.

So to ALL my Ladies and Gents no matter how big or small, know you're BEAUTIFUL, there's no such thing as an "Average Beauty"

Expect the Unexpected

This year has been an extremely hard one for me emotionally and spiritually. Lately I've been dealing with Faith. I'm not going to say I doubt God, but at times my faith waivers, more often than none. I look at things around me and I often wonder when my time will be. What's amazing is God reaffirms and confirms things through non ordinary sources. Like I said God has been really dealing with me on faith. I trust God, but many times when I don't see things happen when I feel like they should, when I feel like I've put ALL my faith and trust in God and the outcome isn't what I expect I become disappointed and I begin to doubt and lose faith.

Ok so I've been praying for alot of things to happen, in my life. But it's like the more I pray the more, nothing happens (It Usually happens like that, LOL) but in the last two weeks everything I've been praying about God has been reconfirming in very nontraditional ways. Ok so everyone who knows me KNOWS I LOVE me some DAVID BANNER, I mean I think Lavell Crump (his birth name)is an amazing man. (Before you ask NO I have not had the pleasure in meeting him) LOL but from what I see and what I've read he's amazing. Sorry I get excited when I talk about him. Ne ways back to the topic at hand. I recently came across an article about him in "The Clarion - Ledger : Mississippi's News Source" The article was written back in 2003. In the article it tells his amazing story about how he made it to where he is now. I've heard this story a million times but this time a few things stuck out that hit home for me. It wasn't the journey he went on to get to where he is but his faith he had while going through it.

While in Birmingham, Alabama, his van was stolen, now if you know the story, this van and everything inside of the van was all he had left to his name. Being a man and a man with street smarts, when he found out his van was stolen he was ready to raise all "holy hell" (oxymoron, LOL) However instead of following his first mind he called his mother... "She prayed and she reminded him that God's blessings come in strange packages sometimes" When he told his story one more thing stuck out to me in the interview David Banner said; "God said 'I'm gonna strip you of everything to see if you're worthy of the blessings that I'm gonna send your way. And if you believe in me and stay constant to my will, then I'll give you everything you want 10, 20, 30-fold"(Billy Watkins, 2003).

Like I said God reaffirms and confirms in very nontraditional ways. After reading this interview about 10 times okay maybe not 10 but after reading this interview a few time, I begin to cry. I cried because just that day my faith had been tested in fact all year my faith has been tested by God.I've lost so many people that I believed would be in my life forever, I've been placed in positions where God made me choose Him or Me. But like David Banner said God will strip you of everything just to see if you will remain constant to his will and be worthy of what God has in store for you.

To further reconfirm this today I went to church, and the sermon series is called "Expecting the unexpected" Many times we look at our circumstances and we often think we're not deserving of more. What I've learned today is you get what you expect. When you expect more you get more. You should expect great things. When God's favor is among us things don't come easy. When God is getting ready to bless you that's when it seems like the Devil goes on a full out war. Look at David Banner's story right before he received his record deal his van was stolen, only leaving him with the clothes on his back. But yet he kept his faith even when it seemed like he had lost it all and it wasn't going to get any better he believed in God and stayed walking by faith, and because he did,God has tremendously blessed him and the blessings continue to pour out.

So like I said earlier God has reaffirmed and confirmed himself to me through nontraditional and traditional ways. I'm thankful for God showing me that staying constant to his will has an amazing payoff in the long run. God is going to bless the least of those, we have to stop looking at our circumstances and wonder how or why or even if we're deserving of the blessings that God has in store. But instead we need to believe that I am worthy of ALL God has for me and that if I just walk in faith that God will give us the desires of our hearts and than some.

So today Ladies and Gent's I'm expecting the unexpected and staying constant to his will because I know that God isn't through with me yet. I'm walking into my season... *besos*

Late Nites Early Mornings - Let's Dance

So last night I went to a party at a club. Okay I hadn't been to a club probably ALL year Yes I said ALL year...Don't judge me LOL I mean the older I've gotten (God I sound like I'm 60, LOL) I've just gotten out of the clubbing mode. I guess I did it so much during my early 20's that I burnt out pretty fast. Ne ways so I'm out last night and of course I was people watching and I noticed a lot of people were dancing and having fun and others were just standing around. But I noticed this one guy, he was older probably mid 40's but he was getting it, I mean he was dancing his little heart out he never set down and he danced from the front to the back of the club.He popped locked it, dropped it low, spun it around and did the stanky leg. I mean he had a damn good time, and never stopped smiling. So looking at this guy, I was amazed by his dancing skills cause Mr. broke it down, but it also got me thinking...

Is life really that bad? We complain we get upset, we worry , we stress. We let life get the best of us, and we never stop to think is it really that bad? We don't just step back and enjoy... I mean it could always be worse. I'm so guilty of this. I look at what I don't have, I allow my past to control me but I never stop to think about all that God has blessed me with with. I mean I'm truly blessed. Things could be so much worst but their not. I have so much to be thankful for.

So looking at the guy last night made me realize that life is too short and I should be dancing every damn day! Everyday??? Yes everyday because everyday that God gives me is a blessing in itself. Enjoy it DANCE, dance until you can't dance anymore, live life to the fullest and make everyday count, but most importantly be thankful don't look at what you don't have or where your not at but thank God for the now and what you do have because it always could be worse.

So Let's Dance

It's Friday Lets take it easy

HAPPY FRIDAY

Walk a mile in someone elses Shoes...

Many times I hear people past judgement about other people without really even knowing them. I'm guilty of being on both sides of the fence. We form opinions of a person based solely on what we see, never stopping to take the opportunity to get to know them.

I work with a lady that no one seems to like, granted her personality is VERY strong, and she can come across harsh, she's had verbal altercations with just about everyone in my group except me. Before the holidays she approached me, now in my head I was like I don't want to have to lose my religion on this lady, but my mind-frame was only preset because of the horror stories I heard. When she called me over she simply asked what part of Louisiana I was from, being a fellow native as well. After further conversation, guards let down and accents flowing we had a really great conversation and she was the sweetest. I also learned some interesting things about her that would explain the wall she puts up with people.

What I'm learning is everyone has a story and until you've walked a mile in that person's shoes we shouldn't judge. *Bisous*

Spring Cleaning in the Winter

It's Decemeber 1, one month left in 2011. Wow time has seriously flew. When I think back over 2011 it's been one hell of a year. Let's just say ALOT of people want join me in my journey in 2012. How exciting is that, yes I said exciting LOL. I mean seriously one thing I've learned this year if not anything else is, when God has purpose for you certain people will not be a part of that purpose. In FACT we need to realize that PEOPLE have a REASON and SEASON in your life and when God removes them that simply means their season has ended... It's a learning process believe me you. Honey let me tell you, we cry, question and wonder why me??? But as I take this journey I can look back and say wow THANK YOU Jesus I'm no longer involved in that madness... Think about! It's never to late to do some SPRING CLEANING even in the winter... *Bisous*